Cat Problems

I've turned in to the cat blog lady. I like and maybe love my cat now. She hasn't peed on the fridge in almost 2 months. But she hasn't eaten or drank much in about one month. She's lost 4 pounds. I took her the vet. She peed in my car twice. I didn't feel like I wanted to kill her. She was sick and scared. We both were. I thought we were going on a long drive towards the big sleep. I cried a little. I pet her. I told her I loved her and she lived. I wasn't disappointed to be bringing her back home. I fed and watered her through a syringe twice a day. She grew stronger. I cut her nails for my personal safety. I bathed her with Head and Shoulders cause she smelled like she'd been sleeping in her piss, and that's all I had in the house. I dried her vigorously with a towel. She protested and hid, humiliated behind the washer until the coast was clear. I set up a little section for her on the floor with the fluffy towel she prefers. I scratched her cheeks, she purred for the first time in weeks.

But she's still not right. She doesn't hate me at all. I feel safe leaving my shoes out. I have to carry her to lay with me on the sofa. She hasn't got the strength to jump up on the coffee table. Will she ever be herself again? Is this the new Mimi? Frail, skinny, so tired and friendly with no fight in her at all? Will we ever be frenemies again? I want her to feel better. To jump on what she's not supposed to. Get fat. Bring lizards from outside to play with. And, now that it's summer, kill the giant roaches that come in the house to cool off in the AC.

Me vs Mimi

My cat is named after Mariah Carey. Who, if you recall, released an amazing album in the 90' or the 2000's entitiled The Emancipation of Mimi.

When I first found her, Mimi was a kitten. The cutest thing ever. Our relationship can be described as the typical cool girl in school versus the nerdy, not very cool girl in school scenario. Me being the nerd. Her being the evil, slutty, diva, bitch. We all know who that is. I hate her right now but have admit, she's pretty.

Cat's are not like dogs. They are super hard to train and are insanely stubborn. If they don't like you, they won't come to you no matter how amazing the rub-down you are offering or for unbelievable sums of cash. If you were hanging from the ledge of a precipice, they would not summon help for you a-la Bengi. They would just watch, oddly perplexed as to why you haven't filled their food bowl. At times it is as though they are actually trying to kill you.

Mimi pees on the refrigerator. Not everyday but enough for me to hate her. I have done some very thorough online research on this subject on both the Pet Smart website and the numerous cat lover website forums.

Diagnosis: Inappropriate Urination

Apparently this is a territorial problem. The culprit most likely being my neighbor's cat, Tiger. Tiger has been frequenting my backyard as of late. Sun bathing in the backyard. I myself am afraid of this cat. He is entirely too friendly with his purring and good nature. Not normal.

I often ask myself, "what would Cesar Milan do?" I think he would, number 1, never even own a cat. So I got nothing.

Sometimes I'm a Fatty

I'm recovering from eating a giant ice-cream. It was amazing. But now I can't shake the guilty feeling. Why so guilty?? I exercise. I eat mostly right. Shouldn't I allow myself guiltless pleasure and 300 delicious extra calories?

I'm blaming my stupid cat for this. She is so fat ever since I got her fixed. All she does is eat, sleep and pee on the freaking refrigerator. She's trying to tell me something. I'm pretty sure it's that I shouldn't be eating ice-cream.