I've turned in to the cat blog lady. I like and maybe love my cat now. She hasn't peed on the fridge in almost 2 months. But she hasn't eaten or drank much in about one month. She's lost 4 pounds. I took her the vet. She peed in my car twice. I didn't feel like I wanted to kill her. She was sick and scared. We both were. I thought we were going on a long drive towards the big sleep. I cried a little. I pet her. I told her I loved her and she lived. I wasn't disappointed to be bringing her back home. I fed and watered her through a syringe twice a day. She grew stronger. I cut her nails for my personal safety. I bathed her with Head and Shoulders cause she smelled like she'd been sleeping in her piss, and that's all I had in the house. I dried her vigorously with a towel. She protested and hid, humiliated behind the washer until the coast was clear. I set up a little section for her on the floor with the fluffy towel she prefers. I scratched her cheeks, she purred for the first time in weeks.
But she's still not right. She doesn't hate me at all. I feel safe leaving my shoes out. I have to carry her to lay with me on the sofa. She hasn't got the strength to jump up on the coffee table. Will she ever be herself again? Is this the new Mimi? Frail, skinny, so tired and friendly with no fight in her at all? Will we ever be frenemies again? I want her to feel better. To jump on what she's not supposed to. Get fat. Bring lizards from outside to play with. And, now that it's summer, kill the giant roaches that come in the house to cool off in the AC.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Curly Girl
I cut my hair off not too long ago and, much to my dismay, I lost my curls. I had straight hair as a kid until puberty did a number on me. First my bangs separated and got frizzy. Not too tough to handle cause I just pulled the bangs back. Then, faster than you can say humidity, my whole head looked like it had been through a crimping iron set to 10 and worked on in a hot tub.
It took me, my sisters, mom and aunt over a year to realize that it wasn’t that I didn’t brush my hair enough. I was brushing it way too much. My hair way curly and I was to “mouse and diffuse”, as my aunt Cecilia so astutely realized. It was a freaking nightmare for me as a 12 year old because it was a time in the late 80’s early 90’s when big hair was no longer in style. And, despite my greatest effort, I couldn’t get myself not to look like a Madonna circa 1980 impersonator.
Anyway as things got better, the curls became more defined and overall I felt better about the change. Eventually I would resist all attempts at blow out as the slightest gust of wind or increase in humidity, real or imaginary, would cause what I call a halo of frizz on my head. Or, more commonly, sore arms from a 2 hour effort with the wrong hairdryer, the wrong brush and the wrong product. Resulting in me with my head upside down in the sink washing out a hideous hairdo and the burnt bits of my hair that were still hanging on with serum and the Holy Spirit. I would have put Crazy Glue in my hair if I thought it would make it look better.
So, now, I’m getting what I thought I always wanted. My hair is turning straight in the reverse order in which it got curly. Back to front. If you put a curly wig on top of a straight wig, you will get the idea of what my hair looks like right now. I’m hoping at the end of this new change my hair will at least have something of a wave. I hadn’t realized how much I had defined myself by my curl. How much I liked myself as that girl with the unruly hair. And, although I know he will always love me, I know Andres prefers me with the curlier hair.
I know every time I cut my hair I am taking off a little bit of what I came to like so much about myself. But, just as there was nothing I could do to prevent the first change, there’s nothing I can do to prevent this one. I just want the process to speed up a little cause, I won’t lie, I’m looking forward to some bangs!!
It took me, my sisters, mom and aunt over a year to realize that it wasn’t that I didn’t brush my hair enough. I was brushing it way too much. My hair way curly and I was to “mouse and diffuse”, as my aunt Cecilia so astutely realized. It was a freaking nightmare for me as a 12 year old because it was a time in the late 80’s early 90’s when big hair was no longer in style. And, despite my greatest effort, I couldn’t get myself not to look like a Madonna circa 1980 impersonator.
Anyway as things got better, the curls became more defined and overall I felt better about the change. Eventually I would resist all attempts at blow out as the slightest gust of wind or increase in humidity, real or imaginary, would cause what I call a halo of frizz on my head. Or, more commonly, sore arms from a 2 hour effort with the wrong hairdryer, the wrong brush and the wrong product. Resulting in me with my head upside down in the sink washing out a hideous hairdo and the burnt bits of my hair that were still hanging on with serum and the Holy Spirit. I would have put Crazy Glue in my hair if I thought it would make it look better.
So, now, I’m getting what I thought I always wanted. My hair is turning straight in the reverse order in which it got curly. Back to front. If you put a curly wig on top of a straight wig, you will get the idea of what my hair looks like right now. I’m hoping at the end of this new change my hair will at least have something of a wave. I hadn’t realized how much I had defined myself by my curl. How much I liked myself as that girl with the unruly hair. And, although I know he will always love me, I know Andres prefers me with the curlier hair.
I know every time I cut my hair I am taking off a little bit of what I came to like so much about myself. But, just as there was nothing I could do to prevent the first change, there’s nothing I can do to prevent this one. I just want the process to speed up a little cause, I won’t lie, I’m looking forward to some bangs!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
7 Lives Left
I've had so much on my mind that I've gotten completely mindless. You know the feeling where there's a whole lot of brain activity but not a whole lot of thoughts? Is it just me?
I find myself on the sofa with my cat, my nemesis. She's pretty chill right now. Purring and resting her heavy head on my arm. Maybe she does love me. Maybe just today. I'm trying really hard to have a deep thought here but all I can think of is how I miss Andres and that I'd love a little something to eat. I wonder, if it came down to it, if it was really freezing outside and there was nothing to eat, if I would eat my cat. Like if I really, really had to. Survival of the fittest stuff. For now there's a lone ice cream cone in the fridge that might do the trick for the slight grumble in my tummy. Mimi lives to die another day.
I find myself on the sofa with my cat, my nemesis. She's pretty chill right now. Purring and resting her heavy head on my arm. Maybe she does love me. Maybe just today. I'm trying really hard to have a deep thought here but all I can think of is how I miss Andres and that I'd love a little something to eat. I wonder, if it came down to it, if it was really freezing outside and there was nothing to eat, if I would eat my cat. Like if I really, really had to. Survival of the fittest stuff. For now there's a lone ice cream cone in the fridge that might do the trick for the slight grumble in my tummy. Mimi lives to die another day.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Change the Tape
I have the same dream almost every morning. I'm in a huge house. It's my house but don't recognize it. Every one I know is there. When they ask me for something, even though I'm not sure where to find it, I always know where it is.
I've been practicing yoga with a new teacher, Ken, who also gives seminars on lucid dreaming. He describes lucid dreaming as awareness within sleep that you are dreaming and trying to make decisions within the dream to manipulate it. So maybe a bad dream turns to a good dream and a good dream to an even better one.
Since learning a little about lucid dreaming, I try to dream I'm swimming in a pool of chocolate milk. As I'm falling asleep I imagine myself swan-diving into a pool of delicious full-fat chocolate milk. I imagine myself floating on my back in chocolate milk. I think of frog kick, free style and back stroke. But I don't ever dream of swimming in chocolate milk.
This morning the house turned into a beach house and sank into the ocean. It was a lucid dream. I sank the house into the ocean. It was a great. It was the dream I have been wanting to have. Maybe destroying the house this morning is enough to make the dream go away forever. If not forever maybe long enough to join Andres in the chocolate pool.
...Sweet Dreams...
I've been practicing yoga with a new teacher, Ken, who also gives seminars on lucid dreaming. He describes lucid dreaming as awareness within sleep that you are dreaming and trying to make decisions within the dream to manipulate it. So maybe a bad dream turns to a good dream and a good dream to an even better one.
Since learning a little about lucid dreaming, I try to dream I'm swimming in a pool of chocolate milk. As I'm falling asleep I imagine myself swan-diving into a pool of delicious full-fat chocolate milk. I imagine myself floating on my back in chocolate milk. I think of frog kick, free style and back stroke. But I don't ever dream of swimming in chocolate milk.
This morning the house turned into a beach house and sank into the ocean. It was a lucid dream. I sank the house into the ocean. It was a great. It was the dream I have been wanting to have. Maybe destroying the house this morning is enough to make the dream go away forever. If not forever maybe long enough to join Andres in the chocolate pool.
...Sweet Dreams...
Monday, January 17, 2011
It was Broke Before I even Got Here
Went to Ikea this afternoon with some great friends and bought myself a bathroom mirror and shelf to replace the horrible thing the previous owners so poorly installed when we first bought this old house 7 years ago. It was just your typical piece of shit mirror with two doors that meet in the middle, right where your face goes when you look at yourself.
This new one I bought has two faults. First, it's tall as shit. But that's what I like about it. And second, it's way too tall for the current space and requires me to move the lamps that are in right now just about a foot or so higher. Which is cool. Except I know nothing about electrical and I already took the bathroom apart.
So now I'm just taking a break from a huge-ass mess I made.
Andres ordered us two large pizzas from Papa John's. One for him, one for me. Mine was supposed to be "extra skin-ny". He must have heard "extra chees-y". I peeled off the superfluous cheese in the hopes that the 3 slices I had would only add up to about 500 calories TOPS.
So after my 60 calorie sugar-free dessert I will confess to Andres about the mess. He's been on the phone this whole time. I was without supervision. Lesson not learned. I know I'll do it again. And make him deal with the live electrical cables.
This new one I bought has two faults. First, it's tall as shit. But that's what I like about it. And second, it's way too tall for the current space and requires me to move the lamps that are in right now just about a foot or so higher. Which is cool. Except I know nothing about electrical and I already took the bathroom apart.
So now I'm just taking a break from a huge-ass mess I made.
Andres ordered us two large pizzas from Papa John's. One for him, one for me. Mine was supposed to be "extra skin-ny". He must have heard "extra chees-y". I peeled off the superfluous cheese in the hopes that the 3 slices I had would only add up to about 500 calories TOPS.
So after my 60 calorie sugar-free dessert I will confess to Andres about the mess. He's been on the phone this whole time. I was without supervision. Lesson not learned. I know I'll do it again. And make him deal with the live electrical cables.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Frivolous Saving/Traffic Jam
Sitting in my car, I had an epiphany. What if... I put my plug-in air freshener on a timer? That way, I can save my air freshener so it lasts longer than the month promised. Which, by the way, it never does.
Last night I set the timer to turn on at 8am when I wake up and turn off at 10 am when I'm gone. THEN, it'll crank on again at around 6pm. Just enough time for it to be smelling super fresh when I get home from work!!
Genius I say! And also pretty lame. But I am glad to be putting at least three things to good work. First, the timer that has been buried in a drawer for a long time. Second, the air freshener. And third, my brain. Right?
Last night I set the timer to turn on at 8am when I wake up and turn off at 10 am when I'm gone. THEN, it'll crank on again at around 6pm. Just enough time for it to be smelling super fresh when I get home from work!!
Genius I say! And also pretty lame. But I am glad to be putting at least three things to good work. First, the timer that has been buried in a drawer for a long time. Second, the air freshener. And third, my brain. Right?
Friday, January 14, 2011
Me vs Mimi
My cat is named after Mariah Carey. Who, if you recall, released an amazing album in the 90' or the 2000's entitiled The Emancipation of Mimi.
When I first found her, Mimi was a kitten. The cutest thing ever. Our relationship can be described as the typical cool girl in school versus the nerdy, not very cool girl in school scenario. Me being the nerd. Her being the evil, slutty, diva, bitch. We all know who that is. I hate her right now but have admit, she's pretty.
Cat's are not like dogs. They are super hard to train and are insanely stubborn. If they don't like you, they won't come to you no matter how amazing the rub-down you are offering or for unbelievable sums of cash. If you were hanging from the ledge of a precipice, they would not summon help for you a-la Bengi. They would just watch, oddly perplexed as to why you haven't filled their food bowl. At times it is as though they are actually trying to kill you.
Mimi pees on the refrigerator. Not everyday but enough for me to hate her. I have done some very thorough online research on this subject on both the Pet Smart website and the numerous cat lover website forums.
Diagnosis: Inappropriate Urination
Apparently this is a territorial problem. The culprit most likely being my neighbor's cat, Tiger. Tiger has been frequenting my backyard as of late. Sun bathing in the backyard. I myself am afraid of this cat. He is entirely too friendly with his purring and good nature. Not normal.
I often ask myself, "what would Cesar Milan do?" I think he would, number 1, never even own a cat. So I got nothing.
When I first found her, Mimi was a kitten. The cutest thing ever. Our relationship can be described as the typical cool girl in school versus the nerdy, not very cool girl in school scenario. Me being the nerd. Her being the evil, slutty, diva, bitch. We all know who that is. I hate her right now but have admit, she's pretty.
Cat's are not like dogs. They are super hard to train and are insanely stubborn. If they don't like you, they won't come to you no matter how amazing the rub-down you are offering or for unbelievable sums of cash. If you were hanging from the ledge of a precipice, they would not summon help for you a-la Bengi. They would just watch, oddly perplexed as to why you haven't filled their food bowl. At times it is as though they are actually trying to kill you.
Mimi pees on the refrigerator. Not everyday but enough for me to hate her. I have done some very thorough online research on this subject on both the Pet Smart website and the numerous cat lover website forums.
Diagnosis: Inappropriate Urination
Apparently this is a territorial problem. The culprit most likely being my neighbor's cat, Tiger. Tiger has been frequenting my backyard as of late. Sun bathing in the backyard. I myself am afraid of this cat. He is entirely too friendly with his purring and good nature. Not normal.
I often ask myself, "what would Cesar Milan do?" I think he would, number 1, never even own a cat. So I got nothing.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sometimes I'm a Fatty
I'm recovering from eating a giant ice-cream. It was amazing. But now I can't shake the guilty feeling. Why so guilty?? I exercise. I eat mostly right. Shouldn't I allow myself guiltless pleasure and 300 delicious extra calories?
I'm blaming my stupid cat for this. She is so fat ever since I got her fixed. All she does is eat, sleep and pee on the freaking refrigerator. She's trying to tell me something. I'm pretty sure it's that I shouldn't be eating ice-cream.
I'm blaming my stupid cat for this. She is so fat ever since I got her fixed. All she does is eat, sleep and pee on the freaking refrigerator. She's trying to tell me something. I'm pretty sure it's that I shouldn't be eating ice-cream.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
My Facebook Posts from the 90's
The following is a list of my personal status updates if FB was around in the 90's when I was in middle and high school.
The Chupacabra ate my homework.
Shout out to my homies at Rockway Elementary!!
Tickets to Poison this weekend!!
Tickets to Billy Idol this weekend!!
New Year's at G-n-R!!
Wackest band ever opened for Guns and Roses. Soundgarden, WTF?? The singer sounded like super screechy.
R.I.P. Kurt Cobain. You totally suck.
Xmas tree design on the admittance test for St. B. Hope I don't make it.
Bass or Dexter WTF??
I can't believe Arsenio Hall was canceled!! Always wanted to be in the dog pound. HOo!! HOoHOo!!
Pulled an all nighter Tyson's Knock Out.
I don't care, Short Circuit is still one of my favorite movies ever . NUMBER FIVE ALLLIIIVVVEEE!!! I want a robot.
Come to the Hungry Sailor tonight to check out my brother Rudy's BAAAND!!!
I can't believe they won't let us twist the chains on the giant swing at the Youth Fair.
Does the carnie that runs the Himalaya only own one Def Lepard album or what?? If I hear Pour Some Sugar on Me one more time...
MDCC, 13th grade.
The Chupacabra ate my homework.
Shout out to my homies at Rockway Elementary!!
Tickets to Poison this weekend!!
Tickets to Billy Idol this weekend!!
New Year's at G-n-R!!
Wackest band ever opened for Guns and Roses. Soundgarden, WTF?? The singer sounded like super screechy.
R.I.P. Kurt Cobain. You totally suck.
Xmas tree design on the admittance test for St. B. Hope I don't make it.
Bass or Dexter WTF??
I can't believe Arsenio Hall was canceled!! Always wanted to be in the dog pound. HOo!! HOoHOo!!
Pulled an all nighter Tyson's Knock Out.
I don't care, Short Circuit is still one of my favorite movies ever . NUMBER FIVE ALLLIIIVVVEEE!!! I want a robot.
Come to the Hungry Sailor tonight to check out my brother Rudy's BAAAND!!!
I can't believe they won't let us twist the chains on the giant swing at the Youth Fair.
Does the carnie that runs the Himalaya only own one Def Lepard album or what?? If I hear Pour Some Sugar on Me one more time...
MDCC, 13th grade.
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