Change the Tape

I have the same dream almost every morning. I'm in a huge house. It's my house but don't recognize it. Every one I know is there. When they ask me for something, even though I'm not sure where to find it, I always know where it is.

I've been practicing yoga with a new teacher, Ken, who also gives seminars on lucid dreaming. He describes lucid dreaming as awareness within sleep that you are dreaming and trying to make decisions within the dream to manipulate it. So maybe a bad dream turns to a good dream and a good dream to an even better one.

Since learning a little about lucid dreaming, I try to dream I'm swimming in a pool of chocolate milk. As I'm falling asleep I imagine myself swan-diving into a pool of delicious full-fat chocolate milk. I imagine myself floating on my back in chocolate milk. I think of frog kick, free style and back stroke. But I don't ever dream of swimming in chocolate milk.

This morning the house turned into a beach house and sank into the ocean. It was a lucid dream. I sank the house into the ocean. It was a great. It was the dream I have been wanting to have. Maybe destroying the house this morning is enough to make the dream go away forever. If not forever maybe long enough to join Andres in the chocolate pool.

...Sweet Dreams...

It was Broke Before I even Got Here

Went to Ikea this afternoon with some great friends and bought myself a bathroom mirror and shelf to replace the horrible thing the previous owners so poorly installed when we first bought this old house 7 years ago. It was just your typical piece of shit mirror with two doors that meet in the middle, right where your face goes when you look at yourself.

This new one I bought has two faults. First, it's tall as shit. But that's what I like about it. And second, it's way too tall for the current space and requires me to move the lamps that are in right now just about a foot or so higher. Which is cool. Except I know nothing about electrical and I already took the bathroom apart.

So now I'm just taking a break from a huge-ass mess I made.

Andres ordered us two large pizzas from Papa John's. One for him, one for me. Mine was supposed to be "extra skin-ny". He must have heard "extra chees-y". I peeled off the superfluous cheese in the hopes that the 3 slices I had would only add up to about 500 calories TOPS.

So after my 60 calorie sugar-free dessert I will confess to Andres about the mess. He's been on the phone this whole time. I was without supervision. Lesson not learned. I know I'll do it again. And make him deal with the live electrical cables.

Frivolous Saving/Traffic Jam

Sitting in my car, I had an epiphany. What if... I put my plug-in air freshener on a timer? That way, I can save my air freshener so it lasts longer than the month promised. Which, by the way, it never does.

Last night I set the timer to turn on at 8am when I wake up and turn off at 10 am when I'm gone. THEN, it'll crank on again at around 6pm. Just enough time for it to be smelling super fresh when I get home from work!!

Genius I say! And also pretty lame. But I am glad to be putting at least three things to good work. First, the timer that has been buried in a drawer for a long time. Second, the air freshener. And third, my brain. Right?

Me vs Mimi

My cat is named after Mariah Carey. Who, if you recall, released an amazing album in the 90' or the 2000's entitiled The Emancipation of Mimi.

When I first found her, Mimi was a kitten. The cutest thing ever. Our relationship can be described as the typical cool girl in school versus the nerdy, not very cool girl in school scenario. Me being the nerd. Her being the evil, slutty, diva, bitch. We all know who that is. I hate her right now but have admit, she's pretty.

Cat's are not like dogs. They are super hard to train and are insanely stubborn. If they don't like you, they won't come to you no matter how amazing the rub-down you are offering or for unbelievable sums of cash. If you were hanging from the ledge of a precipice, they would not summon help for you a-la Bengi. They would just watch, oddly perplexed as to why you haven't filled their food bowl. At times it is as though they are actually trying to kill you.

Mimi pees on the refrigerator. Not everyday but enough for me to hate her. I have done some very thorough online research on this subject on both the Pet Smart website and the numerous cat lover website forums.

Diagnosis: Inappropriate Urination

Apparently this is a territorial problem. The culprit most likely being my neighbor's cat, Tiger. Tiger has been frequenting my backyard as of late. Sun bathing in the backyard. I myself am afraid of this cat. He is entirely too friendly with his purring and good nature. Not normal.

I often ask myself, "what would Cesar Milan do?" I think he would, number 1, never even own a cat. So I got nothing.

Sometimes I'm a Fatty

I'm recovering from eating a giant ice-cream. It was amazing. But now I can't shake the guilty feeling. Why so guilty?? I exercise. I eat mostly right. Shouldn't I allow myself guiltless pleasure and 300 delicious extra calories?

I'm blaming my stupid cat for this. She is so fat ever since I got her fixed. All she does is eat, sleep and pee on the freaking refrigerator. She's trying to tell me something. I'm pretty sure it's that I shouldn't be eating ice-cream.

My Facebook Posts from the 90's

The following is a list of my personal status updates if FB was around in the 90's when I was in middle and high school.

The Chupacabra ate my homework.

Shout out to my homies at Rockway Elementary!!

Tickets to Poison this weekend!!

Tickets to Billy Idol this weekend!!

New Year's at G-n-R!!

Wackest band ever opened for Guns and Roses. Soundgarden, WTF?? The singer sounded like super screechy.

R.I.P. Kurt Cobain. You totally suck.

Xmas tree design on the admittance test for St. B. Hope I don't make it.

Bass or Dexter WTF??

I can't believe Arsenio Hall was canceled!! Always wanted to be in the dog pound. HOo!! HOoHOo!!

Pulled an all nighter Tyson's Knock Out.

I don't care, Short Circuit is still one of my favorite movies ever . NUMBER FIVE ALLLIIIVVVEEE!!! I want a robot.

Come to the Hungry Sailor tonight to check out my brother Rudy's BAAAND!!!

I can't believe they won't let us twist the chains on the giant swing at the Youth Fair.

Does the carnie that runs the Himalaya only own one Def Lepard album or what?? If I hear Pour Some Sugar on Me one more time...

MDCC, 13th grade.